IF I HAD A DAUGHTER…~

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We are going to veer a bit off topic today….but when you reach a certain age, you get to say whatever the heck you want…and this, today , is what I want to say….

In the current political climate, we are inundated with stories of men behaving badly.

Stories that start with “he grabbed me,” “he made me feel uncomfortable”, and “he said things that hurt me,” etc., have flooded the media.

(By the way, let me know when we can start discussing the major issues facing the country…, but I digress..)

Today’s narrative, when it comes to being a woman, seems to be that of “victim”, and this woman, for one, is tired of it.

I was raised surrounded by brothers, cousins, and lots of male friends.

I met and married a man who was the youngest of four boys, and I went on to have three sons of my own.

I’ve  lived in a house full of males, including the dogs, for over 30 years.

In the fields I work in, I’m surrounded by men..

and here’s what I would tell my daughter, if I had one….

You won’t be disrespected if you command respect.

That’s right.  They can’t disrespect you if you don’t let them…It’s that simple.

Now I’m not talking about rape here…that’s a crime that, by the way, can happen to anyone.

I’m talking about big things…

Like lewd jokes, being touched inappropriately, being harassed, etc. and the smaller things, like being talked down to because you have breasts, not being taken seriously because you’re a woman, being  disrespected because you are the non-male in the household, or being taken advantage of at work.

I’ve dealt with most of it in my life, and here’s what I did.

When I was in high school, and a boy yelled something very offensive about me when I was walking down the hall, I called my boyfriend.  The next day, the entire football team of  my boyfriends school came to my school to meet the offending boy…..  The day after that, he was opening the doors for me in the hall. Problem solved….

When the older man in the hospital I worked in put his hand on my butt, I looked him straight in the eye, in the middle of the office and said, (in my Irish  Whisper),  “if you touch me like that ever again, not only will I get you fired, I will rain fresh hell down on you like you’ve never seen.”  I was 22 at the time, and new to my job. He never touched me again.

I’ve work many years with men who tell lewd jokes…I laugh at their stupidity, and feel bad for their wives…I would never go home to a man like that.

I raised my boys with the understanding that they didn’t have to like me, but they were most certainly going to respect me…even if I was the only hormonal one in the house.

And they did.

I raised them to respect women and treat them like equals. I would tell them “if  your girlfriend is not deserving of respect, why are you with her in the first place??”

And they did and do.

I was raised by a woman who was a hard-working medical professional, and not your classic mom by any stretch..

But she had a husband who adored her. Even in the 60’s when it was almost unheard of, he picked up her slack and did most of the heavy lifting, raising their five kids.

More important, he loved me so dearly, and made me feel so valued, that commanding respect for myself as I grew just came naturally.  If I was a special as my dad thought I was, no man would ever make me feel less than that…

and no one ever did.

But I would also tell my daughter that respect is a two-way street.   If you want to be respected by men, you have to earn it by being the best version of yourself you can be.

If you grow up to be a woman of courage, empathy, kindness and compassion, with a lot of class and dignity, the good men will respect you in spades…

The others will too…they will just never show it.

and THAT, ladies, is what it means to be truly CROWN WORTHY!

 

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Have the most amazing weekend, love your beautiful selves, and wear those crowns high! ~ and a special shout out this week to one of the the most amazing “Glam mamas”  you could ever know..the Gold Standard of Hot Mammas, married to an amazing man, Colleen Delaney…YOU are the Gold Standard!

 

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Comments

  1. Colleen Delaney says:

    Hi Kathy, Another great read! You are spot on about demanding respect as a woman. One of my favorite sayings is “it you do not lie down, then no one can walk over you.” I wish more girls and woman would realize that they are the ones in control and in the drivers seat as you so poignantly recounted in your experiences as a young woman.

    Thank you so much for your kind words!!
    Keep these blogs coming!!! I look forward to reading them!!!!!!
    You are giving Oprah a run for her money!
    Well done and well said.

    Like

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